Life Imitates Jerry Springer

Sorry, I just loved this family photo.  They are more fun than a barrel of babies!!!

Paula Dean the “Butter Queen” just came out that she has been diagnosed with diabetes.  I was shocked!  How could somebody that ate like that and cooked like that have diabetes?  Oh, baloney, we all know that you can’t eat like that and not have a boat load of trouble.  Then we find out she was diagnosed with it a few years back.  Now she has signed a contract with “reputable” drug manufacturer for diabetic meds.  So for the last few years, she’s been fattening up the clientele for her new sponsor!  Genius!!

No wonder outspoken food guru Anthony Bourdain lashed out at our butter baby claiming that she’s a horrible person.  Basically he said that she is loved and respected by so many who have a lot of faith in her and she is teaching an obese nation how to kill themselves…..with a big toothy smile and contract with a pharmaceutical company!  Butter on your gravy?

Ok, the headlines and news reports everywhere have been talking about SOPA PIPA (It is pronounce that Soapa Peepa).  I always thought that was a tasty Mexican dish of fried bread with cinnamon and sugar.  Or does it have something to do with soap and that pretty lady who married one of those red headed princes in England? But it really sounds like a middle European toast…like “Salut!” only fancier.

Actually it’s some convoluted anti piracy bill that pits the media against the tech world.  It’s all about whom can download stuff and paste it somewhere else free and it’s all political.  Obama could not decide where he and the Democrats stood on the issue.  So even in winter he decided to wear the same shoes as some of those GOP candidates….flip flops.  SOPA PIPA! Perhaps an Armenian toast?

Speaking of Armenian toast, the one and only Kim Kardashian has been replaced in a Skechers Super Bowl ad by a dog.  Don’t even ask “Which sister is it?”  If I said it’s a Boston Terrier would somebody say “Oh, she must be the little one!”

Captain Francesco Shettino of the Costa Concordia.  When all is said and done, expect his last name to have a few less letters in it (and only one “t”).  This is the genius captain of the cruise ship that ran aground and sank off the Italian coast.  Conflicting stories have been printed including that he had the crew showboating for the locals, he ordered dinner after impact, he was one of the first to abandon ship, he didn’t want to get back on the ship when ordered by the navy, he wanted to direct the evacuation from a lifeboat and my personal fav is that he tripped and fell into a lifeboat.  Moral of that story:  All the BS in the world cannot keep a ship afloat.  Bureaucrats beware!

Well, Rick Perry dropped out the presidential race and Vinnie is leaving Jersey Shores. Anybody crying?

PETA is looking to buy OJ Simpson’s foreclosed old house and turn it into a “Meat is Murder Museum”. Do you really, really think I could make that up?

Is anybody ever going to sign Prince Fielder? Only twice has somebody of this caliber (talking nine figure contract) took this long to sign.  Matt Holiday in 2010 and Carlos Beltran in 2005 were the other two.  What they all have in common is agent Scott Boras.  I just wonder if some teams don’t look at his weight as a liability.  Maybe not….we love Paula Dean.

We all know binge drinking creates a multitude of problems – drunk driving, a myriad of health problems and unwanted pregnancies.  Recent reports are now surfacing that some of the heaviest drinkers are retirees.  Yes, it seems that to many of our seniors, every day is Saturday! There will be no comment made here using the word unwanted.   SOPA PIPA!

A 36-year-old California computer specialist says he has fathered 14 children — and is still a virgin.  Trent Arsenault says he has never had sex and that he’s “committed 100 percent of my sexual energy for er….uhmmmmmm ”bank deposits” for childless couples to have babies. So I don’t have other activity outside of that.”  Not even a checking account?

Coaches John Harbaugh of the Ravens and Jim Harbaugh of 49’ers could have met in the Super Bowl (if they both didn’t lose in the playoffs).  You may have guessed, they are brothers.  Do you realize with a full two weeks to hype every teeny tiny detail about everybody and everything what we could have been dealing with?  Jim liked oranges and John liked apples.  Jim was bossy and John was serious.  John walked at 10 months and Jim at 11. Jim liked blue and John liked green.  But, they lost…..so there goes one batch of endless nothingness down the loo.

Rob Lowe created a big Twitter storm when he tweeted that Peyton Manning will be leaving the Colts soon.  We all know about his injury and questions about his ability to return to football.  But really, should we hear this from a guy that acts on the sitcom “Parks and Recreation”?  This story and the one above really goes to show you what social media can do and is doing all around us.  Movie and pop stars use it all the time.  Baby Boomers….Get off your boom and Twitter and Facebook!!!!

A new high school in Utah had to change the name of mascot after it was selected by the students.  The students had selected “The Cougars”. Innocuous enough.  After all there are the Lions, Tigers, Badgers, Bengals, Wildcats, Gators, Eagles, Broncos, Hawks and so on.  Problem is parents nixed the name because it was too suggestive and disrespectful to women.  Odd that nearby conservative BYU is called the Cougars.  The new name for the school is the Chargers. Gosh I hope none of the students grow up and over use credit cards!  Awful.

I heard that on one of those “Project Runway” shows they had to design a dress for Miss Piggy.  Thankfully, the show is not taped in Utah.  There could have been a problem with the name Miss Piggy.  Degrading………

When a moderator asked Newt Gingrich about his ex wife’s claim that he wanted an open marriage during a recent debate, he blew a fuse.  The audience members in conservative South Carolina gave him a standing ovation…..twice.

Odd to me that they would do that in the heart of the conservative south.  This is his third marriage and I am surprised that those right wingers reacted to him that way.  But, this isn’t the first time “stories like this came up about Newt being a ‘Wiiiiiiild and crrrraaaazy guy”. But it worked!  If he is really the most liberal of the candidates, how did he win in conservative South Carolina? Easy squeezy, Republicans want somebody willing to fight as hard (perhaps as dirty) as Obama will and not pull punches.  That’s my guess.  Or maybe he was just going for the swing voters….I dunno.

American Idol has returned for another season to award one more person a recording contract and a trip to oblivion.  Come on, who won last year or the year before…..nobody!  Oh yeah and the first show reminded us that Steven Tyler is just a dirty old man.  Really, it’s ridiculous.  And if you think it’s cool, you are either a middle age wannabe groupie or a thirty five year old guy that still thinks he’s 21.  At least that’s what a friend told me.

Joe Paterno of Penn State passed away.  Truly beloved at Penn State.  The controversy that just got him fired was a shock.  Outside of Pennsylvania he will be remembered as a flawed hero.

With the European Union backing our call for a fuel embargo for Iran, watch things heat up in the Middle East.  The US, France and England are sending out warships to make sure it stays open.  Iran is seriously threatening to close it.  The reason is Iran’s continued development of nuclear weapons.  Of course they are denying it.  This is a very serious and volatile situation.  It is hard to negotiate with radicals of any type….especially when there are so many willing to die as religious martyrs.  They absolutely hate us and are bent on our destruction.  Downright scary!

Elton John’s partner David Furnish made a big stink about Madonna winning a Golden Globe. Even griping on Facebook that she shouldn’t be nominated and he was sure Elton would win.  The language was pretty coarse.  When Elton lost, David went ballistic on Facebook.   Eventually he simmered down and apologized.  I think he was mad that she is called the Queen of Pop.

Ever notice this? Cars with the fish emblem Ichthys (that’s what it’s called and it symbolizes Christianity) and the ones with the Coexist bumper stickers also have the most opinionated bumper stickers elsewhere on their car.  Opposite ends of the political spectrum yet neither ever drives over the speed limit…..ever.  Odd.

A Republican delegate in Maryland plans to introduce legislation to protect Maryland’s borders not from undocumented workers, but from rodents.  Del. Pat McDonough, R-Baltimore, at an afternoon news conference rolled out his Rat Trafficking Act, which would bar the D.C. government “and any other entity from trafficking rats and other vermin into Maryland.”

McDonough’s move came after a flurry of attacks against the District’s Wildlife Protection Act of 2010, which mandates that animal control companies use humane methods when handling animals. Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli set off the firestorm when he publicly worried that the law would lead to a mass relocation by exterminators of D.C. rats into his state.  Suppose that will also limit politician’s access to freeways?

Speaking of rodents, a man lost his claim that he found a mouse was in his can of Mountain Dew. Adjusters proved that the can was 74 days old and that within weeks the mouse would have been reduced to a tablespoon of goo.  The mouse still had fur.  Furrrrthermore the mouse was less than a month old and could not have been born when the can was sealed.  The actual term used was gelatinous goo.  SOPA PIPA!  Opa!   Salut!  And cheers to you!!!