Not even when the baby starts to giggle and can’t stop?

What about when the big girl takes a swing on the rope towards the pond and the rope breaks planting her nose in the mud?  Not a grin or chuckle yet ducky?

Can’t grin when the grown man tries taking his son’s bike up a ramp to show off for the family?  No reaction when the ramp breaks and he snacks on plywood and pavement?

Bills got you down?  Politics give you flu symptoms?  Home values down and gas prices up have you looking at your dog for Sunday dinner?

Well, buck up Beanie there’s funny stuff everywhere!  And it’s all true!

Thirsty?  Why there’s a fruit drink from Poland called Fart Juice.  Hoooooray!

And if you’re still thirsty how about a glass of Schovit chocolate drink from Norway?  It’s made by the same company that makes Aass Fatol Beer!  A real can’t miss beverage.

You can’t be offended…..other people named it, millions drink it…..I just report it.

Speaking of funny…what does your receptionist’s desk look like?  If that is the first piece of furniture that customers see, what impression do they have when they leave?  Dirty, old, messy or cheap?  Do you have glass in your lobby – like doors, windows or partitions?  Are they clean?

Customers begin to make decisions way before you start talking.  Dirty, old, messy and cheap are decisions that are difficult to reverse.  Look around!

Feeling better now?  If your name is Orville or Gertrude and you feel like your life has been completely messed up because of it…..think about these names of Hollywood children.

We are not talking about the moderately goofy ones like Blu Ivy or Willow Sage.   We are going to turn our heads and not even consider Sparrow James Midnight or Tu Morrow as odd.

We are going for the doozies like: Zuma Nesta Rock, Poppy Honey Rosie sister to Daisy Boo Pamela and Petal Blossom Rainbow.  We are going to consider Moxie Crimefighter, Bronx Mowgli and Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily as funny names.

But who can top the moniker of Lisa Bonet’s (the really pretty one from the Cosby show that is a little loopy) little bundle of love named Nokoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namkaeha?  That’s the winner!  I think it’s even better when you say it backwards.

It makes Homer James Jigme sound good.  And to think each one of those kids had a last name to add too….except Tu Morrow.  His name was Tu…..his last name was Morrow.  I did not make any of this up.  Really!

If you didn’t find any of those Hollywood children names amusing how about a quick trip back to funny food from around the world.

 How about Pee Cola from Ghana?  If you drink a couple bottles of that do you have to go Pepsi?  You can get Crap’s Chocolates from France.  They are perfect for Valentine’s Day!  Do you wonder if Crap’s comes in white chocolate too?

But my personal fav is that famous beer from Merry Ole England….Piddle in the Hole Beer.  And to think they serve it warm.  Ah yes, there’s nothing better than a nice warm glass filled to the brim with Piddle in the Hole.  I laughed just typing that.

I know, I know it seems like I pick on Queen Michelle a lot and some friends are giving me slack…but wait…she’s on vacation again!  Yes, for the 14^th time in three years the first lady is on one more luxury vacay in Aspen.  That’s less than one month after getting back from a big family thing in Hawaii.

Anybody remember when the Prez was telling us things were tough we all may have to cut back a little?  Remember when he suggested things like not going out for dinner so much or you might want to put off your vacation.  Apparently that didn’t apply to Michelle.  She was on vacation during that speech.

Hear the story about the 40 something year old guy that went for a snack at the Heart Attack Grill?  It’s where waitresses dress like nurses the owner is called Doc.  Sooo clever!  Well, he ordered the Triple Bypass Burger.

 It is a mere 6,000-calorie artery-clogging hamburger, which costs around $11, weighs in at 1.5 pounds, and comes stacked with three huge burger patties, cheese, special sauce, a red onion, a sliced tomato, and up to 15 strips of bacon.

And it’s not the biggest they offer….they do have a Quadruple Bypass Burger that has 25 % more of everything!  I gained four pounds typing this……

These are the perfect complement to the flatliner fries and butterfat milkshake.  They have a fun sign at the door that says “cash only” cuz if you die the check may not clear.  Hahahaha!  Well some poor dude had a heart attack and nearly died after eating a Triple.  Wimp.

Hear about the guy smoking one of those electronic cigarettes?  You know they kinda look like a cigarette and give you the sensation of smoking but they don’t burn.  Smoke like stuff even comes out when you exhale.

Supposed to be better for you too.  I guess they are battery powered and this guy goes to take a puff and it explodes in his face knocking out his front teeth.  Yeah, it’s way better for you.

Now you just know he had to be the holier than thou type bragging about how he’s not smoking and these cigs are the answer and you just aren’t with the program.  Now when he says stuff his friends just tell him to whistle Dixie.

Good grief!  This is the most exciting news Dr. Albert Gore’s heard in some time.  Dutch scientists are currently making test tube meat!

The theory is that grazing land is at a premium and we can make beef, chicken, pork – you name it in a Petri dish.  I assume the ones for the cattle will be quite large.

Nevertheless, Dr. Gore must be wildly giddy with excitement at the sheer thought of no more methane from those cows tooting our ozone away!  But please do not tell this administration…..they will sink billions into it; call it a green project…..then it will fail.

Gas prices are heading upward and fast.  Good thing we aren’t wasting our resources here in the states trying to keep those prices down.  Yup, we are playing it real smart.  We are saving up that oil and gas off shore and the sand and shale oil in the West plus all those reserves in Alaska.  We refuse to waste any federal money on that.  No sir!

Instead we are wisely putting hundreds of millions – even billions of dollars into failed “green technologies”.  FYI, those are the companies owned by friends and supporters of this administration that go broke all the time.

By putting money into them, we are saving the oil and gas that works for another day.  I sometimes marvel at the genius of our leaders.  They surely know where to buy those smart pills.  The Walgreen’s by my house doesn’t have them in yet.  But when they do I’ll let y’all know.

I was thinking that Obama’s real expertise is not special skills or policies but in being a product of his time.  He has mastered networking.

He got elected mobilizing people through Facebook, Twitter etc.  That’s how the “trendies” do things.  He creates a network, which creates an image which drives policies.  That’s what got him elected the first time……buzz.

Bet he knows how to use all the apps on his Smartphone.  It’s far beyond what others can or will do.

Another Pekinese won at Westminster.  The judge, a Ms Wilma Belafontaine wore an ample sized black dress, her hair pulled back in a bun and those old lady shoes that were neatly tied and oh so sensible.

She studied the dogs very carefully for some time.  She checked teeth, coat, paws, back, heads and privates (after all it was for best in show).  Then after much consideration she picked the ugliest dog of them all.  A Pekinese! 

Even God laughs when he looks at one.  Jeeeez Wilma, clean your flipping glasses!  My Mom has fuzzy slippers that look better than that and they don’t make that creepy snorting sound!

Boy you got to hand it to the Republicans this year.  They certainly look like the schizoid party united.  It appears that they are lining up behind Santorum this week (it’s his turn).

Even Democratic groups are pouring money into ads in Michigan for him. They would love to see him run against Obama.  And the six remaining Tea Party members would be happy to see that too.

Just as I’m typing this I read Obama’s Super Pac is running ads against Romney in Michigan.  Does this tell you GOP backers anything?  Well?

Martha Stewart’s Chow Genghis Khan won Best of Breed at Westminster.  It actually looked like a dog.  And that’s a good thing.  However, if he looked like a snorting fuzzy slipper he would have won Best in Show.

Serious thought – Whitney, Michael, Elvis, Amy and so many more.  We watch how they live their lives and we are oddly fascinated.  But we are never shocked when they die.  Ever.

Lindsay Lohan is moving on to bigger and better things to jump start her career.  Remember when she had one of those?  She’s going to host Saturday Night Live!

Heard that the issue of Playboy she was in sold a gazillion copies.  I don’t get it……like nobody’s ever seen freckles before.  Apparently a lot of freckles.

Chris Brown and Rihanna are fighting to stay together.  Oops bad choice of words.

Speaking of a black eye….If you are in the retail business take a good look at your store entry.  Does it have a nice clean appearance that invites people into your store?  Or does it look like anybody that has a notice of a fish fry, school dance, baby sitting services, an old Maytag for sale or any other subject taped stuff to your window?

Clean all of that up.  You’re not helping the cause and you’re not selling used sofas.  None of that belongs in your front window.  If you are going to do something like that, have a proper bulletin board and keep it neat and organized.  Your store will appear much more professional.

Charlie Sheen said that Ashton K really sucks in the show “Two and Half Men”.  Then he turned around and said he didn’t mean it and he’s sorry.

Will it be that easy for the Republicans?  Think about it…..you spend millions and millions to discredit somebody and negatively attack them for being alive.  Then they win the nomination and you have to hold hands and sing Kumbaya.  Makes you want to roast marshmallows.

It’s like going through a brutal divorce then hanging out with the ex for Christmas with the kids and the in-laws.  Kumbaya my Lord, kumbaya.

Recently a woman gave birth to a baby weighing over 19 pounds.  The little round faced cherub came out wearing a business suit, carried a briefcase, had a full set of teeth, and a goatee.  He stood next to the doctor, pointed in the sky and in a cute little man voice said, “The plane, the plane”!  (Fantasy Island if you don’t get it.)

Look at the pictures – it’s funny!

Scientists have discovered a new “Earth” and claim it’s like no planet we have ever seen before.  What the article said I will simply will cut and paste it right here: “Scientists have discovered a new type of alien planet — a steamy waterworld that is larger than Earth but smaller than Uranus.”  Now you know everything.

Did you know that Russia is supplying weapons to Syria to kill their citizens and that Iran sent 15,000 troops to help them?  Al Qaeda now supports the rebels against Assad.  What do you think this administration should do?  Should we help the murders or the terrorists?  Eeeny, meeny….miney…..

I have a great idea for this administration……ignore Syria.  Let’s offer birth control to employees of the Catholic Church instead!  Ooops, they are already on top of that.

Did this administration really try to pull that off?  Uh-yes.  Who dreams up this carp?  Yes, I said carp.  It’s a fish!  No swearing here.

I do know one thing we are doing.  We are pulling out of Afghanistan soon.  Our own military says the country is totally unstable and that the Afghan forces cannot keep peace without our help.  But, we are leaving anyway.  Buh-Bye.

However, we are negotiating with the Taliban (Yes, terrorists!) to help us make a graceful exit.  We want them to promise not to let it become a terrorist training center like it used to be.

Oh, they are so trustworthy I am sure it’s going happen just like that.  Plus, the country will populated by purple and pink unicorns with rainbows and glitter on every mountain and camel pile.  Sure.

Sad to see the passing of Whitney Houston.  Great voice and messed up life.  She’s been dating Ray J (he’s got a history) who is 17 years her junior.  There is going to be a lot of “stuff” come out about her death and the events leading up to it.  Just wait and see.

Jennifer Hudson.  Perfection.  Beautiful and talented!

Fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld referred to singer Adele as fat.  He used to have a weight problem…now he weighs under a hundred pounds.

He lives in a land where women are over 6 feet tall and weigh 110 pounds.  My right thigh weighs that much.

Paula Dean should sit on him and squash him like the puissant he is.  That’s a French word I made up and it isn’t nasty!

Adele won a gazillion Grammys…guess she showed him!  PS….she sounded great live!  I mean she sounded really, really good.

Anybody get that weird Nicki Minaj routine?  Me neither.

I thought it was odd that the Grammys were all about Whitney and the late Etta James and Don Cornelius seemed like forgotten side notes.  I guess most viewers were too young to know about them so they didn’t get much air time.

Well, the Super Bowl came and went.  If you don’t live on the East coast, you likely didn’t give a rip.  Yes, Eli Manning did the last minute heroic thing and won the game.  But a few days after the game, what was the real buzz besides the commercials?

To quote “Talk Soup” it’s “Chicks Man”.   Yes, this year females are the real Super Bowl stories.  First off Kelly Clarkson sounded great and remembered the words to the National Anthem.  Hooray!

At halftime, Madonna looked like every 53 year old who has all the cash she needs, all the surgery she’s ever wanted and works out like an Olympian.  There were a lot of veins and muscles.  Did anybody else think those arms looked like Spiderman’s?

She sounded good (a likely combination of real singing and pre-recorded track).  And her half time show drew higher ratings than the game.  Honestly.

Older people were again pleased that a contemporary could still get it on (like the Stones, Springsteen and U2 have in the past)….young people thought it was boring.

M.I.A. got her share of the buzz by doing the one finger salute during a song.  Got more PR than she ever had in her entire career.  Loser.

And finally supermodel Gisele Bundchen, spouse of Tom Brady let ‘er rip about how he couldn’t throw and receive at the same time.  There was some profanity interjected as well.  Comments ranged from “She should just be cute and shut up.” to “She’s standing by her man”.  Anywho, she got lots of press too.

The only real press for a player was when a Boston based website Pawngo dumped 900 pounds of Butterfingers in Copley Square to “honor” Wes Welker for his dropped pass.  Ouch!

From that to a business tip.  Yes, I can do it just like that.  Here you go….this is a sure fire winner.

Jazz up your retail space with a change in flooring.  One of the most popular trends for small to medium sized spaces is to use two floorings materials.  Laminate or hardwood flooring combined with geometric shaped carpeted areas can direct traffic and create great spaces for your customers.  It’s easy and will change the look of your store.

Speaking of floored….can anybody tell me why that lady is coming out with her memoirs of her fling as a 19 year old with JFK?  Who cares?  I know….it’s all about the cash.  You know, some of the older people thought JFK was such a saint they are likely to think of her as a 19 year old…..floozy.

Don’t you think “Pshaw”.  I remember framed pictures of JFK and the Pope in Catholic homes years ago.  Don’t laugh, I know people that have framed pictures of Obama in their home today.  Everybody has their idol.  Personally, none of those compare to my black velvet painting of Elvis.

For those that judged politicians so harshly in recent years, it must be an eye opener to know soooo much of this has gone on since the Founding Fathers. They were (are) human.  They all make mistakes and bad decisions.

Thank God none of us ever do.  Yah sure.

Anybody else think it’s scary that foreign embassies in Israel and Iran are thinning out?  Last time they did that there was a war…..but wait!

Madonna fans are imploring their government to hold off war with Iran.  Her international tour starts in Israel and they don’t want her to cancel.  Picture the headline…..“Madonna Stops War and Sings Like a Virgin!”  It almost sounds biblical.

Just when the Republicans had a chance to take the White House, they shoot themselves in the foot…..again.  They are still doing that flavor of the day thing….you know – Bachman, Huntsman, Pawlenty, Johnson, Perry, Cain all gone.  Paul and Newt are almost gone.  And now it’s Santorum’s turn.  Of course, there is still good old “Anybody But” Mitt too.

Did you know that 2% of the Republicans think his first name is Mittens?  Honest to God.

Republican voters are acting like a group of dizzy school girls that can’t decide what to wear to their first prom.  They are so schizophrenic they are giving the race to Obama.

There is nobody good enough for the establishment Republicans and acceptable to the Tea Partiers (if they still exist).   Obama can simply sit back and watch.  One by one, they kill each other off.

Seriously, if you look at the overall voter turnout at the GOP primaries, it is lower that it was when Grandpa McCain (yawn) was running.  That means voter apathy.  For being a sideshow as long as they have, nobody has caught on.  Nobody.

Speaking of an idea that went nowhere…..recent satellite images show that the glaciers in the Himalayas lost virtually ZERO ice in the last ten years.    They also indicate that the polar caps have lost much less ice pack than previously thought.

Would somebody let Doctor Albert Gore know?  He may have to change some speeches he has planned.  This confirms that hot air does not impact global warming.

Speaking of cool ideas (another smooth segue) one of the most overlooked area in an office or retail space is the ceiling.  We look up and see a white drop ceiling and fluorescent lights…right?  Take another look.

If those tiles look gray or yellow, your store or office isn’t looking its best.  In fact it looks dirty.    Replace those faded, dirty and dingy tiles with bright new ones and your products and facilities will look better and your employees won’t look so sickly.

Oh yes, and don’t forget to clean those carpets!  The black spots from gum will come out.  Just clean them!  Nobody likes to shop in a dirty store or do business in a dirty office…..except for Oscar the Grouch and British comedians.

Speaking of…….Russell Brand just turned down $20 million dollars following his break up with Katy Perry.  How nice….dumb but nice.  It may help him in future relationships.  Maybe.  Does anybody else think he looks like he needs a shower and clean clothes?

It must cost a lot of money to be a nut case!  Word has it that Gary “Mr. Ed with Crazy Eyes” Busey is filing for bankruptcy.  He’s been on every single celebrity reality show known to mankind plus he made some really good movies before his cycle accident.  Think he’d have a little scratch….but no; he’s worth $50k and owes $500k!

He was a legit actor.  Check out Lethal Weapon and The Buddy Holly Story.  Really good stuff.

I love green stories!  The Greenies want to outlaw all coal burning in the US even though that industry has jumped thru hoops trying to make it cleaner burning.

Anybody see the hypocrisy in mining coal in the US, putting on trucks and trains (both polluters) to transport it to the coasts, then putting it on boats (also polluters) to China where they burn it to generate power without emission regulations (mega polluters)?

Apparently Greenies don’t like teeny tiny bits pollution.  They prefer great big, fat, juicy, giant, huge, megatons of pollution.  Grrrr!  I hate it when our government treats us like ignorant fools that cannot recognize bad decisions wrapped up in political bull-carp.

Just when you thought you heard it all.  Rosie O’ Donnell noted lesbian, Tim Tebow (age 24) noted religious guy, Jenny McCarthy (age 39) noted Playmate hottie all have something in common.  Rosie introduced friend Jenny to Tim and suggested they exchange phone numbers and set up a date.  They exchanged numbers….no word about a date.

We now know the following:  Tebow does not judge Rosie’s lifestyle, Jenny has the hots for Tim, Rosie is a good friend of Jenny’s, Tebow ain’t scared of older women.   Heck, maybe he will make it in pro football after all.

Finally, Greece is burning because they are deeply in debt and citizens are revolting against the austerity measures forced by the European Union.  They are a socialist country that borrowed and spent well beyond their means.

Now they have to cut government benefits, reduce paid holidays, push back the retirement age, modify health plans, cut budgets overall and increase taxes.  Does any of this ring a bell?

They are burning their country because they don’t want the changes.  What do you think the Occupy Wall Street gang and all their affiliated groups will do if our economy doesn’t pick up and we have to make similar changes?   Well???

I don’t even want to address the new budget yet.  I need to finish reading it and ripping out the rest of my hair first.  We can only hope there is funding for more failing green energy programs.  The Republican response will be just as comforting and non political as Obama’s.  Bank on it!

Oh, another important world changing item to note:  Jack in the Box (that fancy eatin’ place) has come up with a real winner….a bacon milkshake!  I hope I can get a scrambled egg and buttered biscuit on top! Take that Paula Dean.  Sssssssnap!

 Heard about the “Jumanji Effect”?  Named after an old Robin Williams movie (seemingly unrelated), this refers to some of the results of the unusually warm winter.  Many places are averaging 5 degrees warmer and that is affecting Mother Nature.

Scientist are predicting that bears will come out of hibernation to feed early, deer will….um….get jiggy sooner, mosquitoes, ticks will swarm early and so on.  Seems 5 degrees can make you either hungry or…..ornery.  Fooled you didn’t I?

 Pharmaceutical giant Pfizer is doing a mass recall of some of their birth control pills.  It appears the manufacturer got some of the little pink pills out of order during packaging.  You see there are 28 pills in a packet.  21 contain the active ingredient that prevents pregnancy.  The other 7 are placebos. 

 When they are out of order, things don’t work so well.  Think some people are going to have little surprises in about nine months?   

 Speaking of surprises, the lovely Snookie is rumored to be carrying either a baby or baby fat.  She’s been given the media flak for suggesting she is with young….and she says she’s not fat.  At least the little meatball dresses nice!  Her term, not mine.

 When the economy gets uncertain does your business cut off all spending?  Do you let your offices go unpainted; furniture in lobby get shabby or your facilities get a little run down?  You are not alone….but you may be hurting your business and making things worse.  When clients come to your facilities and see things looking a little shabby, they make judgments about your company and its financial stability. 

 It’s important to be frugal during uncertain times, but you only have one chance to make a first impression. A simple coat of paint, a few new chairs or reception desk can make a positive impact.  That old saying “A penny wise and pound foolish” is true today.  Keep your image up!

 Did you hear that Burmese Pythons are eating everything in sight in the Everglades?  When people want to get rid of these exotic pets, they believe they are doing the humane thing by turning them loose in an environment like they came from (mainly the swamps). 

 Unfortunately, the small and medium animal populations of numerous species are down by as much as 90-95% in several areas.  People are in a dither as to what to do.   Easy – squeezy…no pun intended.  Make it open season and tout python meat as low in calories and cholesterol.  It tastes like chicken and makes great boots, purses and belts. 

 Problem solved!  We used that popular technique to get rid of numerous indigenous species.

 Did you know that with the IPO (initial public offering) or stock launch of Facebook it is rumored that over 1000 employees could become millionaires?  Over the years they have been giving employees shares of stock in the company as part of their compensation package. 

 It is well known that they were much more generous years ago than they are now.  Some of the senior employees have tons of shares (although they cannot liquidate the stock for some time). 

 Boy that just made a bunch of those 1% ers!  Couldn’t you just picture those Occupy Wall Streeters picketing Facebook…..why, they’d be all over Facebook talking about it! Lol.

 Keep your eyes on the “Fast and Furious” hearings in Congress.  This is where ATF sold high tech weapons to the Mexican drug cartels (supposedly to monitor where they went).  The intent was to track down the bad guys.

 Unfortunately they lost track of the guns and only succeeded in upgrading the drug dealer’s capabilities.  Look for possible contempt of Congress charges against Attorney General Holder for not turning over related documents during hearings…..this could get nasty.

 Did you know that statistics show you can improve office employees productivity (and overall health) by up to 25% with a properly adjusted work chair?   Take a look around your office at the chairs.  If they are looking rough, your employees probably feel the same way.  Something to think about.

 Sad staggering statistics:  Homeless in America – nearly 650,000.  Homeless veterans – almost 68,000.  That’s over 10%! 

 More Sad staggering statistics:  According to the University of Wisconsin Milwaukee, analysis of the most recent U.S. Census Bureau data, only 44.7% of the Milwaukee area’s working-age black males ages 16 to 64 were employed in 2010.  This is the lowest level in metro Milwaukee ever recorded in census data.

 Only two of the nation’s 40 largest metro areas analyzed in the study – Buffalo and Detroit – reported lower black male employment rates in 2010 than Milwaukee.

 Elisabetta Canalis is one of the beauties that recently dated George Clooney.  She is now dating Steve O of Jackass TV and movie fame.  Now that’s a change!  Next we’ll hear that Brad Pitt dumped Angelina for Joan Rivers.   Ok maybe not.

 Speaking of old Joan….on her show featuring her and her daughter, Joan tried marijuana and hopped in the hot tub with her clothes on. All I can say is thank God she kept them on.  It was a legal prescription and legal pot….it’s California!  Go figure.

 Our first lady, Queen Michelle recently told a group of Hollywood high rollers at a fundraiser that her husband has made “remarkable progress” with the economy during his first three years in office.  Directly below the photo and article the local newspaper had the headline “American Airlines to cut over 10,000 jobs”.  Now that’s editing! 

 Perhaps she was referring to spending $10 million a year on vacations.  Is that considered stimulus spending?  I don’t care if you are on the left or right, that’s a ton of cash for vacations!

 Guess who is making a huge comeback?  No, it’s not Newt, or Mitt, or Rick, or Sarah, or even Kim Kardashian or Brett Farve….it’s Pee Wee Herman!  Yes, He’s been on Broadway and recently was a guest judge on Top Chef.  Now he’s rumored to be on the next season of Dancing with the Stars!  OMG is all that anybody can say.  It will probably be a ratings smash. 

 Anybody else want to go to the moon in 2020 when Newt said he will colonize it?  Anybody?  Anybody?  Seriously…..Anybody?  Anybody?  Bueller?  Bueller?

 Sofia Vergara was just voted the most desirable woman on Askmen.com.  I don’t know who or what Askmen.com is, but they are right.  Wow!

 For years, we all looked at the stock market as a barometer of economic conditions and made business decisions accordingly.  Now the DOW is as stable as somebody that drank a gallon of Starbucks and Red Bull (no, I’m not talking about Demi).  It’s time to assess your business strategies. 

 Here’s a smart tip.  A good place to focus is on your current customers.  Look at providing additional (and better) products and services to your existing customer base.  They are already sold on your people and your company.  You will spend a lot less on marketing and pick up business with less R&D costs……just a suggestion.

Breaking news regarding “Pink Slime” – McDonald’s announced last week that, as of last August, is has stopped using ammonium hydroxide in the production of its hamburgers.

MSNBC reports that the chemical, used in fertilizers, household cleaners and even homemade explosives, was also used to prepare McDonalds’ hamburger meat.  No wonder we get gas and heartburn when we eat there! 

The U.S. Agriculture Department classifies the chemical as “generally recognized as safe.”  Oh goody! 

McDonald’s says they stopped using the chemical months ago and deny the move came after a public campaign against ammonium hydroxide by celebrity chef Jamie Oliver.  Go Jamie!

The food industry uses ammonium hydroxide as an anti-microbial agent in meats, which allows McDonald’s to use otherwise “inedible meat.”  On his show, Oliver said of the meat treatment: “Basically we’re taking a product that would be sold in the cheapest form for dogs and making it ‘fit’ for humans.”  I’ll have a Filet O Fish!  And please, hold the Pink Slime!

And if politics isn’t crazy enough, we now have Roseanne Barr running for President!  “Are you serious?” you ask.  Well, yes I am.

Seems Roseanne is going to take time off from her 45 acre macadamia nut farm in Hawaii to run for President as a Green Party candidate.   Yes, Roseanne is leaving the nut farm for politics.  Sounds like she’s walking in a circle. 

She says that both parties cater to the 1% and she won’t.  Her platform is to outlaw war, legalize marijuana and “get that BS straightened out”.  I guess that is as reasonable as all the rest!

Finally, I found it odd that people waited with baited breath to see who The Donald and his hair endorsed.  Why would somebody want an endorsement by a character whose catch phrase is “Your Fired!”?  I dunno.

]]> http://www.rcsinnovations.com/blogs/hot-off-the-press/feed 2 http://www.rcsinnovations.com/blogs/lifestranger-than-fiction?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=lifestranger-than-fiction http://www.rcsinnovations.com/blogs/lifestranger-than-fiction#comments Tue, 31 Jan 2012 16:48:09 +0000 rcs innovations http://www.rcsinnovations.com/?p=3510 Continue reading →]]> I saw on TV that Joan Rivers just had her 734^th plastic surgery.  Honestly.  Think about it….where on your body could you have that many operations?  Do we even have 734 parts?  With all that plastic do you think she’s biodegradable?

 The X Factor was kind of a flop.  Anywho, Simon Cowell just canned host Steve Jones (he was lousy), Nicole Scherzinger (she’s hot) and believe it or not, Paula Abdul.  Boy we’ll miss her funny ramblings.  Really, she seemed semi conscious the whole season.  Remember when they called her Paula Abdrool on American Idol?  Said it was pain meds.  Only Simon and L.A. Reid are staying on the show.

 Anybody watching the NBA?  Anybody?…..Anybody?…..Bueller?……Bueller?….Can you hear me now?……Can you hear me now?

Remember when Drew Carey was big and funny?  Now he hosts The Price is Right.  Boy is he funny.  Okay, I’ll tell the truth.  He just broke off a five year engagement with his fiancé…..and he’s thin.

Peyton Manning and Colts owner Jim Irsay have been airing their dirty laundry in the press.  Manning is six weeks away from a $28 MILLION bonus.  The Colts have to either pay him or risk losing him as a free agent.  I hope this doesn’t turn into a Brett Farve thing.

Spain was once a fine example of the European socialist welfare state that some in this country would point to and say “See how nice and fair it is there?”   Spain is now broke and just had their sovereign debt downgraded along with four other socialist states.

As part of their requirement for bailout by the European Union they had to cut the usual entitlements and government benefits.  Funny they also cut off funding and subsidies for “greener energy”.  I guess when you have to cut fat, you have to cut fat.

Speaking of greasy green fat, another administration backed “green energy” company just went belly up.  Stimulus beneficiary Evergreen Energy just bit the dust.  We’ll also hear more about Ener1 (also known as EnerDel) as time goes on. They are going to be the new Solyndras.

And hot off the press, the Las Vegas Sun reports that Amonix, Inc., a manufacturer of solar panels that received a mere $5.9 million from the Stimulus Package, will cut two-thirds of its workforce, about 200 employees, only seven months after opening a factory in Nevada.  Troubling.

Recently a total of 12 oops, now 13 green energy companies have gone belly up.  Do you think it’s because we fed them over $6.5 Billion of your tax dollars?  That’s hard for me to digest too!  I hear that there is more to come from failed “green energy investments” subsidized by this administration.

The good news is that at least some of those guys became millionaires before their companies went bankrupt.  I feel better now…..don’t you?  We can all feel good about making them rich.

Pat Sajak recently admitted that both he and the lovely Vanna White performed on Wheel of Fortune while they were drunk. Personally, I never saw any difference.  Vanna’s face seems frozen in time.  It’s called Botox.

Let’s just go back to those bold statements about a European welfare culture for a second.  In a recent speech the Prez said…“it’s the role of government to share responsibility and ensure society is fair.”

Take note:

• Federal handouts in the form of direct payments in the first three years of this administration were up 32 % or $600 billion.
• The last budget submitted called for an additional $500 billion by 2016.
• Food stamps were up 45 % since he took office. That puts 46 million (15%) Americans on stamps.
• Even disability took a 10% jump due to easier requirements and more people applying because they cannot get jobs.

I agree 100% he inherited a bad economy and the banking and financial worlds were crap.  Some of this was bound to happen.  But….facts are facts.

Demi Moore just checked into rehab for “Exhaustion”.  Just prior to her recent hysterical 911 call it was confirmed that she was smoking “something” that was not marijuana.  She may have had seizures.  It’s also been reported that to keep trim and active she drank tons of Red Bull all the time and took Adderall (a med for ADHD).  It’s an amphetamine.

And if that didn’t keep her from bouncing off the walls, she was also a fan of nitrous oxide or “whip its”.  Jeepers, if I was doing all that I would be exhausted too!

Do you think old Newt was doing well in the polls because some secretly hope he and Obama are going to really go at it and we like a good fight?  Maybe.

Newt did well in South Carolina not because he’s the most conservative.  It’s not because he is well liked by the GOP base.  It’s not because of his moral standards.  It’s not because he’s charismatic.  It’s not because he’s the best qualified.  It’s not because he’s the nicest guy.

It’s because we like the WWF, the UFC, MMA.  To those of you scratching your heads, those stand for World Wrestling Federation, Ultimate Fight Club, and Mixed Martial Arts.  And we all know Newt loves a good brawl.  Grrrrrr.  Let out that aggression.

Heidi Klum and Seal are rumored to be splitting up.  Am I getting so cynical that I think it’s to help promote his upcoming album and she’s ready to start another season of her show?  It could be a coincidence…..we shall see.

Did you know that Romney’s wife is battling Multiple Sclerosis and is a cancer survivor?  Gosh Newt would have divorced her…..twice!  Okay I know I’m picking on Newt, but there’s just so much to pick on!  Besides, he started it!

Mitt is doing better now because he unleashed the cashbox.  He outspent Newt 4 to 1 in Florida.  His opponents referred to it as carpet bombing.  Gosh, those Republicans are bashing each other.  Bloody, bloody, bloody.

Seems that there’s a lot of diet stuff in the news.  The British Journal of Medicine recently said it’s ok to fry your food as long as you do it in olive oil or sunflower oil.   Of course you also have to eat a more “Mediterranean diet” as well.

Google Mediterranean diet, I don’t want to go through what that consists of.  But I’ll tell you this…..it’s not a cruise around the Mediterranean with Paula Deen eating burgers and fries.

Remember the”Arab Spring”?  It was a surge of unrest, demonstrations and hope for democracy.  We backed some, helped some and ignored some.

Results of those glorious days?

• Tunisia – Islamists won the elections.
• Egypt – Islamists won the elections.
• Libya – No government formed and civil war may be on the horizon.
• Iraq – Islamists won the elections.  Even though time wise this was prior to the “Spring”.
• Yemen – no significant changes.
• Syria – 5,000 protestors dead and Assad is still in power.
• Bahrain – Saudi Arabia helped put down the Islamist unrest.

Iran has their fingers in all of this.  They took control or influenced every election directly and through there proxies.  They have their eyes on restoring their old Persian Empire.  And pretty much the “Arab Spring” allowed much of that to happen.  At least that’s my take.  Things are worse now than they were before….at least in some people’s eyes.

Fear Factor is baaaaaack.  I know that some kids (yes, kids) get a kick out the creepy gross things they do on this show.  They recently cut an episode too gross to even dance around here.  I can’t even give you a hint.  If you feel like losing your lunch, Google things based on the lack of hints given and you will flip.

I cannot believe they thought of putting that on TV.  They made the contestants do it, but scrapped it for the show. Garf!!

Anybody else think that Bush and Obama are two most divisive and polarizing presidents of all time?  Well, recent studies say you are right.  Ding, Ding, Ding, you win!!!

Both have been loved by their own party, but reviled (too strong a word maybe?) by the opposition. The stats are staggering.  Democratic and Republican views of President Obama continued to diverge during his third year in office, the Gallup Poll reports, reflecting a continued era of political polarization.

For the year of 2011, an average of 80% of Democrats approved of Obama’s performance in office, while only 12% of Republicans approved — a gap of 68 percentage points that is tied for the fourth largest in history, Gallup says.

Right now, the Obama and Bush own the top seven spots (by year) and 8 years out of ten.  A record!  So much for bipartisanship.

An Iowa woman has given birth to a boy weighing 13 pounds and 13 ounces — without the aid of surgery.  Asher Stewardson was born Thursday at Mercy Medical Center in Des Moines, measuring 23 ½ inches long. Fifteen months ago, his brother, Judah, arrived weighing 12 pounds and an ounce at birth.  WOW!

Hospital officials say only a tenth of 1 percent of all newborns weigh more than 11 pounds at birth.  The boys’ mother, Kendall Stewardson, endured six hours of labor without an epidural injection. She says she and her husband, Joshua, wanted to avoid cesarean delivery because that wouldn’t have been good for her or Asher.

Atta Girl Mom!  It’s rumored that the baby was born with teeth and knew half of his ABC’s.

A mother is blasting the one-year jail sentence given a former Massachusetts dentist who used paper clips instead of stainless steel posts in her son’s root canal.

Brenda Almeida says she is very upset about the sentence imposed Monday on Dr. Michael Clair, who pleaded guilty earlier this month to a list of charges, including assault and battery and Medicaid fraud.  Almeida says her teenage son’s tooth turned black and had to be removed after Clair performed the root canal.

A paper clip instead of stainless posts!  Can you believe that?  All I can say is Ouch!!!

Remember Fran Drescher from “The Nanny”?  She claims she was abducted by aliens.  She says that her ex husband was abducted too.  It happened to both of them when they were in their teens.  He denies it.

Do you think the aliens and her ex left her because of that voice?   Or do you think the aliens did that to her just to be mean or funny?

And anytime you think people are just picking on Obama unfairly, remember this:  It’s easier to pick on a sitting president than somebody running for office.  Do you recall Bush Bashing?  It was a national sport.

The Prez is a much easier target…..especially since Charlie Sheen settled down.

Paula Deen recently took 400 of her favorite followers on a Celebrity Cruise ship.  Our little butter ball (whose family is really mad that she made a deal with a pharmaceutical company for diabetic meds) was photographed woofin down a giant cheeseburger with a side of greasy fries.

I can’t wait to see her commercials.  Picture her scarfing down all this fattening food and then she says “I kin still eat the thangs I love and be healthy as long as I take this lil pink pill”.  Then she burps.

And finally, Snoop Dogg just kind of endorsed Ron Paul because of his Libertarian stance.  It’s creating a media buzz.  I swear.

Sorry, I just loved this family photo.  They are more fun than a barrel of babies!!!

Paula Dean the “Butter Queen” just came out that she has been diagnosed with diabetes.  I was shocked!  How could somebody that ate like that and cooked like that have diabetes?  Oh, baloney, we all know that you can’t eat like that and not have a boat load of trouble.  Then we find out she was diagnosed with it a few years back.  Now she has signed a contract with “reputable” drug manufacturer for diabetic meds.  So for the last few years, she’s been fattening up the clientele for her new sponsor!  Genius!!

No wonder outspoken food guru Anthony Bourdain lashed out at our butter baby claiming that she’s a horrible person.  Basically he said that she is loved and respected by so many who have a lot of faith in her and she is teaching an obese nation how to kill themselves…..with a big toothy smile and contract with a pharmaceutical company!  Butter on your gravy?

Ok, the headlines and news reports everywhere have been talking about SOPA PIPA (It is pronounce that Soapa Peepa).  I always thought that was a tasty Mexican dish of fried bread with cinnamon and sugar.  Or does it have something to do with soap and that pretty lady who married one of those red headed princes in England? But it really sounds like a middle European toast…like “Salut!” only fancier.

Actually it’s some convoluted anti piracy bill that pits the media against the tech world.  It’s all about whom can download stuff and paste it somewhere else free and it’s all political.  Obama could not decide where he and the Democrats stood on the issue.  So even in winter he decided to wear the same shoes as some of those GOP candidates….flip flops.  SOPA PIPA! Perhaps an Armenian toast?

Speaking of Armenian toast, the one and only Kim Kardashian has been replaced in a Skechers Super Bowl ad by a dog.  Don’t even ask “Which sister is it?”  If I said it’s a Boston Terrier would somebody say “Oh, she must be the little one!”

Captain Francesco Shettino of the Costa Concordia.  When all is said and done, expect his last name to have a few less letters in it (and only one “t”).  This is the genius captain of the cruise ship that ran aground and sank off the Italian coast.  Conflicting stories have been printed including that he had the crew showboating for the locals, he ordered dinner after impact, he was one of the first to abandon ship, he didn’t want to get back on the ship when ordered by the navy, he wanted to direct the evacuation from a lifeboat and my personal fav is that he tripped and fell into a lifeboat.  Moral of that story:  All the BS in the world cannot keep a ship afloat.  Bureaucrats beware!

Well, Rick Perry dropped out the presidential race and Vinnie is leaving Jersey Shores. Anybody crying?

PETA is looking to buy OJ Simpson’s foreclosed old house and turn it into a “Meat is Murder Museum”. Do you really, really think I could make that up?

Is anybody ever going to sign Prince Fielder? Only twice has somebody of this caliber (talking nine figure contract) took this long to sign.  Matt Holiday in 2010 and Carlos Beltran in 2005 were the other two.  What they all have in common is agent Scott Boras.  I just wonder if some teams don’t look at his weight as a liability.  Maybe not….we love Paula Dean.

We all know binge drinking creates a multitude of problems – drunk driving, a myriad of health problems and unwanted pregnancies.  Recent reports are now surfacing that some of the heaviest drinkers are retirees.  Yes, it seems that to many of our seniors, every day is Saturday! There will be no comment made here using the word unwanted.   SOPA PIPA!

A 36-year-old California computer specialist says he has fathered 14 children — and is still a virgin.  Trent Arsenault says he has never had sex and that he’s “committed 100 percent of my sexual energy for er….uhmmmmmm ”bank deposits” for childless couples to have babies. So I don’t have other activity outside of that.”  Not even a checking account?

Coaches John Harbaugh of the Ravens and Jim Harbaugh of 49’ers could have met in the Super Bowl (if they both didn’t lose in the playoffs).  You may have guessed, they are brothers.  Do you realize with a full two weeks to hype every teeny tiny detail about everybody and everything what we could have been dealing with?  Jim liked oranges and John liked apples.  Jim was bossy and John was serious.  John walked at 10 months and Jim at 11. Jim liked blue and John liked green.  But, they lost…..so there goes one batch of endless nothingness down the loo.

Rob Lowe created a big Twitter storm when he tweeted that Peyton Manning will be leaving the Colts soon.  We all know about his injury and questions about his ability to return to football.  But really, should we hear this from a guy that acts on the sitcom “Parks and Recreation”?  This story and the one above really goes to show you what social media can do and is doing all around us.  Movie and pop stars use it all the time.  Baby Boomers….Get off your boom and Twitter and Facebook!!!!

A new high school in Utah had to change the name of mascot after it was selected by the students.  The students had selected “The Cougars”. Innocuous enough.  After all there are the Lions, Tigers, Badgers, Bengals, Wildcats, Gators, Eagles, Broncos, Hawks and so on.  Problem is parents nixed the name because it was too suggestive and disrespectful to women.  Odd that nearby conservative BYU is called the Cougars.  The new name for the school is the Chargers. Gosh I hope none of the students grow up and over use credit cards!  Awful.

I heard that on one of those “Project Runway” shows they had to design a dress for Miss Piggy.  Thankfully, the show is not taped in Utah.  There could have been a problem with the name Miss Piggy.  Degrading………

When a moderator asked Newt Gingrich about his ex wife’s claim that he wanted an open marriage during a recent debate, he blew a fuse.  The audience members in conservative South Carolina gave him a standing ovation…..twice.

Odd to me that they would do that in the heart of the conservative south.  This is his third marriage and I am surprised that those right wingers reacted to him that way.  But, this isn’t the first time “stories like this came up about Newt being a ‘Wiiiiiiild and crrrraaaazy guy”. But it worked!  If he is really the most liberal of the candidates, how did he win in conservative South Carolina? Easy squeezy, Republicans want somebody willing to fight as hard (perhaps as dirty) as Obama will and not pull punches.  That’s my guess.  Or maybe he was just going for the swing voters….I dunno.

American Idol has returned for another season to award one more person a recording contract and a trip to oblivion.  Come on, who won last year or the year before…..nobody!  Oh yeah and the first show reminded us that Steven Tyler is just a dirty old man.  Really, it’s ridiculous.  And if you think it’s cool, you are either a middle age wannabe groupie or a thirty five year old guy that still thinks he’s 21.  At least that’s what a friend told me.

Joe Paterno of Penn State passed away.  Truly beloved at Penn State.  The controversy that just got him fired was a shock.  Outside of Pennsylvania he will be remembered as a flawed hero.

With the European Union backing our call for a fuel embargo for Iran, watch things heat up in the Middle East.  The US, France and England are sending out warships to make sure it stays open.  Iran is seriously threatening to close it.  The reason is Iran’s continued development of nuclear weapons.  Of course they are denying it.  This is a very serious and volatile situation.  It is hard to negotiate with radicals of any type….especially when there are so many willing to die as religious martyrs.  They absolutely hate us and are bent on our destruction.  Downright scary!

Elton John’s partner David Furnish made a big stink about Madonna winning a Golden Globe. Even griping on Facebook that she shouldn’t be nominated and he was sure Elton would win.  The language was pretty coarse.  When Elton lost, David went ballistic on Facebook.   Eventually he simmered down and apologized.  I think he was mad that she is called the Queen of Pop.

Ever notice this? Cars with the fish emblem Ichthys (that’s what it’s called and it symbolizes Christianity) and the ones with the Coexist bumper stickers also have the most opinionated bumper stickers elsewhere on their car.  Opposite ends of the political spectrum yet neither ever drives over the speed limit…..ever.  Odd.

A Republican delegate in Maryland plans to introduce legislation to protect Maryland’s borders not from undocumented workers, but from rodents.  Del. Pat McDonough, R-Baltimore, at an afternoon news conference rolled out his Rat Trafficking Act, which would bar the D.C. government “and any other entity from trafficking rats and other vermin into Maryland.”

McDonough’s move came after a flurry of attacks against the District’s Wildlife Protection Act of 2010, which mandates that animal control companies use humane methods when handling animals. Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli set off the firestorm when he publicly worried that the law would lead to a mass relocation by exterminators of D.C. rats into his state.  Suppose that will also limit politician’s access to freeways?

Speaking of rodents, a man lost his claim that he found a mouse was in his can of Mountain Dew. Adjusters proved that the can was 74 days old and that within weeks the mouse would have been reduced to a tablespoon of goo.  The mouse still had fur.  Furrrrthermore the mouse was less than a month old and could not have been born when the can was sealed.  The actual term used was gelatinous goo.  SOPA PIPA!  Opa!   Salut!  And cheers to you!!!

• He had a divine birth under a double rainbow on a holy mountain.  (Actually born in small a Siberian village).
• He loved roasted donkey which he preferred to eat with silver chopsticks.  Clearly that explains why he was such a…..short person.
• He reportedly walked at 3 weeks, talked at 8 weeks and during the three years he attended a university he wrote 1,500 books and six world class operas.  Of course, they are all protected state documents.
• The first (and only) time he played golf he shot a 38 under par and had 11 holes in one.  This was verified by 17 bodyguards.  He never played again because he had completely mastered the game.
• National documents state that he was an international fashion icon.  At 5’3” he wore elevator shoes and big hair which is why everybody in the world emulated him.
• He invented the hamburger.
• He loved giant waterslides.  He had several of those big twisty turny ones built at his palace.  You had to be less than 5’3” to go down them.  Okay, that part I made up.
• He actually advertised phony growth pills to lure short people to meetings.  They were kidnapped and exiled on neighboring islands.  He did that to improve the gene pool.  Plus he liked being the big man on campus.
• He drank $7-800,000 of cognac a year.  His people were starving but he had a good buzz.
• He did not defecate…..ever.  Which explains why he was so full of…..stuff.

Doesn’t his son look like the kid from the movie “Up?”

Sorry, I could not pass up one more story about him.  A few years back he imported 12 giant rabbits from a German breeder in order to help with the severe food shortage in his country.  Unfortunately, he threw himself a birthday party that year and served rabbit.  Dat Wascal!

Question:  What has crashed harder and faster than the stock market of 1929?  Answer:  The Kardashians!  Yes, since Kim’s “marriage/divorce event”, nobody wants to book her.  Sponsors, event planners and other promoters are avoiding the whole family.  Even viewers of their show have dropped off severely.  Talk about a Market Krash!

This past weekend we found out that God loves Tom Brady too, and Tim Tebow is human.  The fairy tale season of the Packers turned out to be just that.  Sheesh, did the Pack look rough.

This really happened.  A friend was looking for used snow blower on Craigslist right after the Packer game ended.  Within minutes of the final whistle, this ad went up; Packer jerseys – Large $25, Packer Jacket – Large $25, Packer Hats $3 each, Packer stocking cap $5…assorted Packer items negotiable.  Think he was mad?

Jay Z and Beyonce’s baby Blue Ivy or Ivy Blue was born in a brand new luxury hospital suite that was reserved just for them.  The suite has been completed for a short time, but nobody (even doctors) was allowed in there in advance.  Yes, they’re just like us regular folks.

Speaking of Beyonce – A newly-discovered horse fly in Australia was so booootiful with its golden-haired backside, there was only one name worthy of its beauty: Beyonce.  Previously published results from Bryan Lessard, a 24-year-old researcher at Australia’s Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organization, were recently announced on the species that had been sitting in a fly collection since it was captured in 1981 — the same year pop diva Beyonce was born.  He says he wanted to pay respect to the insect’s beauty by naming it Scaptia (Plinthina) beyonceae. She is so lucky!  Who wouldn’t love to have a horse fly with a golden backside to be named after them?

Poor Rick Perry, he was giving his “I’m gonna eliminate three government agencies” speech again last week.  He goofed it up one more time.  Now that he’s corrected himself twice, he’s up to four agencies.  Next time he should just say “a whole bunch of agencies” and not try to remember how many or which ones.

Michelle Obama says she’s angry at being portrayed in books (and in the press) as an “Angry Black Woman”.   Yes, she’s furious and she’s not gonna take it anymore!  Grrrrr!

While taping a segment of the Nickelodeon show iCarly, Ms Obama had a line in the show where she told a young girl that she didn’t mind being called “Your Excellency.” We all know it was scripted and she didn’t mean it.  About the same time that story surfaced, she was on a little family vacation (again) in Hawaii at cost of about $4,000,000….yes folks $4,000,000.   You know just a little Motel 6 vacay like you and I would go on with the kiddies.  While skimping as she does on the Big Island, she sent out an email to her personal database asking for a $3 donation to her husband’s election campaign.  Think about it – their $4,000,000 vacation and your $3 donation.   Why of course, “Your Excellency”.

Finally!  Joren van der Sloot got 28 years in a beautiful (not really) Peruvian prison for the 2010 murder of Stephany Flores.  About time a guilty person goes to prison.

Now that all the Chevy Volts are being recalled due to potential fire hazards, Government Motors was thinking about renaming it the Chevy Torch…..but the name Torch was already taken by Blackberry.  “The Burn Your House Down” was rejected for too many syllables.  “Burning Down the House” by Talking Heads was already taken as well.

Did you know that it takes so much electricity to charge one that many no longer consider it green?

What the heck is up with Newt Gingrich?  He’s railing on Romney for running a business while at Bain.  Romney’s job was to make money for his stockholders.  Plain and simple.  That’s sure to backfire among the GOP.  Time to stick a fork in Newt….he’s done.

I just had a thought…..what kind of name is Mitt?  Is it short for something?  Mittchell?  Mittmer?  Mittchard?  Mittrick?  I cannot figure it out.

Snack maker Hostess is filing its second bankruptcy.  We cannot have life without Twinkies!  It has been published in several respected journals that the only things that could survive a nuclear holocaust are cockroaches, Keith Richards and Twinkies.  Cher only makes the list once in a while.

Speaking of Cher, her daughter/son Chaz is saving up to shopping for a….a….a not a car, not new dancing shoes, not groceries.  Mmmmmm, well, you know.  Do you wonder how stuff like that is priced?

Speaking of stuff.  Do you know about the new show on the History Channel?  It’s called American Stuffers.  I swear none of this is made up.  This is about a lovely family in Arkansas that has a taxidermy business.  But what separates them from so many others in their business is that they specialize in pets.  But remember, this is Arkansas.  On the show I saw, a wonderful couple bring their pet in to “memorialized”.  Before we discuss the pet, let’s just say every image that runs through your mind about overalls and regular dental checkups applies here.

Their beloved pet “Chatters” had been hit by a car.  Chatters was the biggest raccoon I have ever seen.  Apparently Chatter’s Momma must have already fixed dinner so they were going to have her stuffed instead of deep fried.  I am talking about Chatters…..not Momma.  Well, Momma sobbed and sobbed on and on about how she’ll miss Chatters climbing into bed and laying between her and her hubby.  Big Bubba smiled and nodded.  I don’t know why.  Don’t miss this gut wrencher….it’s touching.

Speaking of gut wrenching, Celebrity Wife Swap is back to help us all feel a little better about ourselves and our significant others.  When people like Gary Busey, Flava Flav and Ted Haggard are the celebrities, you know you will feel better about your relationships (even if you are divorced) after watching.  I did.

Speaking of celebrities…. Celebrity Apprentice is baaaaack.  It’s like the flu….it comes around two seasons a year….only there is no vaccine.  First of all, hardly any of the people are celebrities.  Second of all, many of them are known for being whackos needing anger management classes.  Put little known whackos under pressure and poof! You have a show hosted by Donald Trump’s hair.

Obama’s favorite green project Solyndra which soaked up $535,000,000 taxpayer dollars is taking a little heat again.  They are in bankruptcy court now asking to be allowed to pay over $500,000 in bonuses to management.  Really.  By the way, have you noticed that in spite of all the government loans, subsidies and grants green energy companies always seem to fail?  Do you wonder why?  It’s because nobody can make money at it.  It is not efficient or cost effective.  It has become a black hole for billions and billions in federal money.  That’s your tax dollars at play….not work.  They call it green because it makes you sick thinking about the waste!

John Huntsman just announced he’s dropping his bid for presidency and supporting Romney. Well, at least we heard of one person in that news flash.

What do you think about the conductor of the New York Philharmonic who stopped the music when somebody in the front row’s iPhone sounded that catchy marimba ringtone?  Conductor Alan Gilbert stopped the performance and waited until the man turned it off and say it wouldn’t happen again.  The follow up is the guy was a business executive who was a 20 year patron of the Symphony.  He was devastated.  He had just got the iPhone the day before and claimed to have turned the ringer off.  But he had forgotten that an alarm was also set.  Two days later he called the conductor and apologized.  Question: if you turn the ringer off wouldn’t the alarm just vibrate too?  Just sayin……

And finally, don’t be depressed because you missed this! “Snooki” made a paid appearance at an autograph signing event at iHip’s booth at the 2012 International Consumer Electronics Show (CES) in Las Vegas on last week.  After I wrote that I wondered, is this tidbit in the right place?  Should it be last or follow the story about American Stuffers?  Not sure.  That cold offend pet raccoon owners.

As a country we really don’t hear or know much about either place now.  So I’ve posted some pictures of before and after

I was stunned.  This is Hiroshima – a beautiful, vibrant city.  Clean and thriving.  An almost crime free city.

Now, let’s look at Detroit…..

Crime riddled filthy Detroit….our beloved Motown in ruins.  This city was once called the Paris of the Midwest because it was so beautiful and vibrant.  This looks more like New Orleans after Katrina….but sadly it’s not.

If you think this is a bit harsh, check out this website: http://www.detroityes.com/home.htm. It is dedicated to the modern ruins of Detroit – once one of America’s greatest cities.   Yes, modern ruins!

Now for the last few years, most of the articles showing these photos (and many more) said that the difference between the two cities was that in Japan there are no handouts…you either worked for it or did without.  They also stated that in Detroit, U.S. Government welfare programs were created to buy the votes of those who want someone to take care of them.  The question was asked “Which one worked better”?  Clearly a shot at the left from the right.

Brief research shows original comparisons were published sometime in the fall of 2009.  The message was that the welfare state did more to destroy Detroit than the atomic bomb did to Hiroshima.  Some of the photo groups were circulated with the caption “Who won the war”?  Very compelling!  The articles also said that Japan has no welfare system.  While many of us (including a few of my readers) wish this was so, it is not quite accurate.

Detroit was once nearly 2,000,000 people in the 1950’s and the fourth largest city in the US.  It is now barely over 700,000.  It’s smaller than Charlotte.  And if people never return, it’s unclear what will happen to Detroit’s nearly 140 square miles — enough to fit Boston, San Francisco and Manhattan with room to spare — that now lie largely vacant.   Can this all be attributed solely to the “welfare” programs in America?

I have to give that a no.  It is true that the welfare programs in the US are much more liberal than those in Japan.  You must remember that the US invested heavily to rebuild both Nagasaki and Hiroshima…..you have to call that a hand out.  On the other hand it is also true that Detroit became addicted to federal hand out programs.  Sorry, it is the truth.  But that’s not the whole story.  Let’s back up a bit.

The biggie to me is that businesses moved out of Detroit.  Why?  Oh gosh, do we really have to hear that the workers that built our beloved Motor City were not competitive?  The answer is yes we do.  They simply could not compete with Japan, much of Europe, Mexico and now Korea.  We weren’t dumber, slower or incompetent.  So why did the companies move elsewhere…even to the Southern states?  They could no longer afford UAW wages, local taxes, the pensions and policies of Detroit and people that lived there.

Businesses moved away from unions and the bureaucracy of an entitlement based city economy….and the corruption.  Many politicians and civic leaders found out they could become wealthy skimming off the top of federal programs aimed at helping the poor.  The expense of doing business in Detroit became prohibitive.  Taxes for businesses had to continually be raised because as businesses moved out, somebody else had to take up the slack.  Big businesses left and with that so did the wealthy.

More people were out of work and the unemployed had to be taken care of.  Taxes had to be raised from those that still worked and owned homes.  That eventually chased out much of the employable middle class out too.  Too few jobs and high taxes.

Many that remained were the elderly and those that were simply not employable elsewhere.  The remaining jobs were lower paying so there was really little to tax.  No businesses, no upper or middle class – only the poor.

The vicious cycle of two and three – even four generations on welfare began.  Politicians wanted to keep the poor where they were because they could always depend on them to vote as a block.  All they had to do is promise them more “social programs” and they would show up on voting day.  Nobody wants to lose benefits.  Social programs became a lifeline.

So if there is anything to learn here it’s that these articles got the cart before the horse.  Detroit did not become Hiroshima because of overly liberal welfare policies….it became a warzone because businesses could not survive.  Businesses could not take care of the pensions and benefits that their workers demanded and they could not stay in business when they were getting taxed to death.  Even the middle class could not survive.

GM and Chrysler still failed after moving much of their operations out of Detroit.  So it just wasn’t the ever increasing taxes (and Detroit) that made them fail.  It was bad management, lack of vision and product development on top of everything else….the perfect storm.  That’s why our government threw billions (and lost plenty of it) to keep those companies afloat.  It took major concessions by the unions to keep GM and Chrysler alive…..major concessions and both companies still lost significant market share and have been downsized.  And the upper and middle classes paid for that too!

So in summary, Detroit became a wasteland because of several things:

• Anti business environment – businesses simply moved away
• High taxes for individuals or companies that were successful
• Extravagant employee wages and benefits in the auto and related industries
• Unsustainable pension obligations for government and private sector workers
• Mismanagement of resources by businesses and politicians alike
• Rampant cronyism and personal enrichment by those in political power
• Lack of innovation on the part of civic and business leaders
• Non functioning, corrupt, top heavy city bureaucracy
• Unemployment rates that could not be brought down
• Exploitation of the wealthy, middle class and the poor
• Environment that made welfare multi generational

I almost feel compelled to add greed to this list but I really think it needs an explanation.  Sure, we could say there was greed on the part of the wealthy.  We could say paying an auto worker $35+ per hour with lifetime benefits to do a job a ten year old could do is greedy too.  We could say that the civic leaders that lined their pockets with taxpayer dollars were greedy.  We could even say that the poor who became dependent on handouts are just as guilty as anybody because a hand out is a hand out.  But….and this is a big but (no pun intended) there is a difference between working hard and being successful and being a leech.  Greed is not only for the wealthy.

You know, I do try to see things from a middle of the road and I clearly know that many sweeping statements were made.  Probably hacked a few of you off.  However, there really is not much to disagree with or debate relative to downward spiral of Detroit.  This list is pretty solid.

But, to extrapolate what happened in Detroit over the last 50-60 years to what has transpired (and is currently transpiring) in our country as a whole for the last decade may be a stretch.….but not a very big one…..in my opinion.

My goodness – was it ever a year for huge and crazy stories….here we go:

The Earthquake and Tsunami in Japan was in many ways the biggest story in terms of world impact.  It was devastating.  I can’t forget that handful of guys working at the Fukushima reactor trying to contain the radiation and knowing that they were likely sacrificing their lives.  Very brave indeed.  The people of Japan acted like the most civilized people on the planet through all of that.

The Weather was a big story here in the states.  Every time there was a big weather story, my Mom (Who is 87 or so but acts like she’s 57) would say “I don’t think the big guy upstairs is too pleased with us”.  I lived in the same house 18 years and never knew a fat man lived in our attic.   Live and learn I guess.  Seriously though; droughts, blizzards, tornados, floods, heat, hurricanes all year round…and the loss of life and property like I haven’t seen in my many years.  You think if my Mom fed the guy in the attic things would improve?

Now that we have had fifty or so Republican Debates I have made up my mind…I am going to find out who this Ron Paul guy is.  If you ever tune in, he’s the skinny one with curly gray hair that has a few odd ideas and seems to have control of all his faculties.  And, he is “Anybody but Mitt”.

It’s been an interesting year for Arnold “May the Schwartz be with you” Schwarzenegger, John “Who’s your Daddy?” Edwards, Anthony “Oh I wish I was an Oscar Mayer Weiner, Herman “Hot Pants” Cain and all the rest.  Brett “Yep dose are my Crocs” Favre missed this year’s list of hot dogs by two months…”Little Brett” is last years’ news.

On the other hand The Royal Wedding was a huge story in terms of ways to kiss away money that wasn’t a government giveaway or a “green project”…..and those my friend are really hard to top!  However it was enjoyed by people that like arts and crafts made out of plastic and feathers and whose homes smell like mothballs.

We all remember the death of Bin-laden.  It really seemed like it took forever to find that terrorist.  The fact that he had a secret crush on Condoleezza Rice was the oddest story of the year.  He even kept a scrap book of her.  The movie would be called “Creepy and Condi”.

Oh yes, then there was the Casey Anthony Trial.  Or as Nancy “The Dancing Diva” Grace called her “Tot Mom”.  That was because the names of Casey and Caylee sounded so much alike.  Did you know that one?  People end up in jail for the pettiest things and she walks.  Go figure.

Every so often a “rock star” dies of drug or alcohol abuse and joins the 27 Club. This year it was Amy Winehouse. She fell hard and fast and died before she turned 28.  If you don’t know anything about her music listen to “Back to Black”…very haunting and cool.

Then there was the death of Moammar Gadhafi (or any one of the 100 ways to spell his name).  Everything about that “war” and his death were just plain weird to me.  But it was part of the Arab Spring that literally sprung up everywhere.  In the Middle East predominantly young people protested for a change in their governments (Democracy perhaps?).  Unfortunately, when some of those countries had elections, the more radical Muslim groups got voted in and those that wanted democracy were shut out.  Not sure? Check out Egypt.

The protests are still going on in Syria and Bashar al-Assad is still killing his people, but we aren’t so concerned about Syrians I guess.  I will not type there is no oil in Syria….I just won’t do it.  But there is oil in Libya…and it was a weaker country.  Draw your own conclusions.

Think of something clever that involves the Kardashians, the Lohans, the Hiltons, Charlie Sheen, Iran, the national debt and a nuclear powered toilet…..then figure out a way to make it work.

Men’s Health Magazine just voted Jennifer Anniston the Sexist Woman of all Time.  Really?  Not Angelina or Halle?  Really?  Not Marilyn, Sophia or Liz? Seriously?  Not Scarlett, Charlize  or Cleopatra?  The chick from “Friends”?  Of all time…..?????  Since when did Men’s Health become a gay magazine?  Since when has a “Friend” been sexy?  Sheesh!

This year we saw the end of a number of eras:

• The Space Shuttle Program ended.  Its programs and projects added to a number of significant advances like cell phone technologies, lightweight insulation and crappy food.  The twin disasters (the Columbia and the Challenger) will be two of those “I remember where I was then” moments for many of us.

• Steve Jobs the “i-everything” guy passed.  Sheer Genius. I mentioned before how much I admired the man.  Always thought it was funny that the “Occupy Wall Street” people idolized him too.  He excelled at everything they are protesting….just saying.

• Oprah ended her daytime talk show.  Everything that woman touched turned to gold except Stedman. Are they still friends?  I dunno.  And what’s that about her OWN network? Bet she may be wishing for do overs.

• We are finally withdrawing from Iraq. I am not sure if that’s a good thing or bad.  Good to have our troops come home.  Bad to have Iran and their proxies controlling most of the Middle East now.  30-40% of the world’s oil travels the Strait of Hormuz which narrows to 4 miles and Iran sits on one side.  Plus they are developing nuclear weapons.  Anybody else think crazies run that country and things are spiraling out of control?

• That looney Kim Jong Il who starved his people so he could fund the development of nuclear weapons then sold the technology to everyone finally croaked this weekend.  Horrible leader and cared nothing for his people.  His third son Kim Jong Un is taking over.  He looks like the Asian version of the Pillsbury Dough Boy.  To reassure the world that’s all well in North Korea, they test fired a missile.  Feel better now?

I do not get this economy thing at all.  Nevertheless, here’s how I understand things.  The banks were lending money to too many people real cheap because the government said everybody should own a home.  Right?  Then our houses were worth as much as a Beverly Hills mansion.  Next the bottom fell out of the market and people lost their homes which are now valued at two Fun Size Snickers and a Marlboro.  Right ?  Then the banks were stuck with all these mortgages that the people couldn’t pay because the Stimulus Package hadn’t kicked in and people were laid off and couldn’t find a job.  Right?  So now the people are out on the streets which are always under construction because the Stimulus Package is building new overpasses so unemployment will drop pretty soon.  Right?  Now while all the people are in the streets, we had to bail out the banks because there was simply not enough money to pay the average CEO $46 million a year and big banks (Citibank) cannot fail and those CEO’s had to get by.  Right?   And the government also had to bailout all those companies that sound like law offices and suit makers…Lehman Brothers, Bear Stearns and so on….plus they had to buy General Motors and Chrysler.  Right?  So – now we have a government that is as broke as the unemployed people out in the streets….right?  And the banks won’t lend anybody money for a house because they know the economy sucks. Right?  Now we have these occupy people that used to live in dorms and shelters that are friends of MoveOn.org and ACORN . They don’t want anybody to have any money so they are trying to shut our ports so that the price of all of our goods will go up.  Right?  Now the original group that lost their homes are seeing the Occupiers move into their old homes because….well, they are a political force.  Right?  So today we have almost half the households in the country getting some sort of government subsidy so they don’t want things to change.  And because the government is completely busted we now have to tax the daylights out of the millionaires and billionaires we just bailed out.  Right?  When we do all of that…..will the stimulus package finally kick in and the people that are working (and paying for everything) finally get a break?  Now I know that was a little difficult to understand but I think that’s right….right?  Pshaw, we all know it’s way more convoluted and makes much less sense than anything I could ever write.

Is it me or has Obama run for office his whole term?  That seems to be what he does best next to vacations and golfing.  If the dippy Republicans keep destroying their frontrunners there will be nobody left to nominate.  Maybe they should draft Hillary. Radio host Michael Savage is offering Old Newt $1 million not to run.  People think Newt is conservative.  He really is to the left of “Anybody but Mitt”. Yes, that is true.

The Russian billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov that owns the NJ Nets is going to run against Vladimir Putin for the nations’ presidency.  That takes some guts.  Why do I feel I don’t have to learn how to pronounce his name because he won’t be around that long?

Just read that butter in Norway is up to $500 a pound.  Are our politicians tampering with their butter supply…..or is this a new Weight Watchers Program?

Of course, this year could not go out with a whimper….it had to be a big old bang.  Speaking of…..This is just in…..Lindsay Lohan posed in Playboy to help her self image.  Yup, that’s what it takes.  Every time you feel a little down on yourself, go pose naked in front of a 200 year old man.  AAARRRGgggghhhhh!

Milwaukee’s very own Ryan Braun the (NL MVP) just tested positive for performance enhancing drugs.  I understand Old Hef taking performance enhancing drugs…..but you Braunie?  Please say it ain’t so.  Please……

With the injury to Peyton Manning (one of the very best …ever) the 1-13 Colts are facing a critical decision.  What to do about Manning….and then if they keep their losing ways, they will likely draft QB Andrew Luck.  Funny name to have for that situation.

And as the Colts win their first…The mighty Packers lost to the Chiefs? Yes, the stinkin’ Chiefs.  So I guess there is a balance in the universe.

Tebow and the Broncos lost….I guess that shows God loves Tom Brady too.

After 2011, I think this should end with a prayer:

Dear God – My prayer for 2012 is for a fat bank account and a thin body.  Please don’t mix these up like you did last year.  Thank you.  Amen.

In past years that meant adopting families for Christmas, donating food and volunteering time at the Ronald McDonald House, gift packages for Kids Matter Inc and the like.  This year, we turned our attention to our servicemen and women overseas.  Through an organization called Any Soldier (www.anysoldier.com) RCS sent Christmas gifts to 60 servicemen and women stationed at Bagram Airbase in Afghanistan.

Through the organization’s website, we were able to locate the 395^th Ordinance Company which is stationed in Appleton Wisconsin (Go Pack!).  On the site we were able to find out what items individuals in this group really wanted for holiday whether it is snacks, candy, energy drinks, deodorant, hand lotion etc.   RCS personnel donated to the cause and a team of super shoppers went out and purchased enough items to pack 18 boxes full of very specific items for our heroes.

We also sent a video along thanking the soldiers for their service and dedication.  Just a side note here – you know it has to be so difficult being stationed in a foreign land especially one as hostile as Afghanistan.  And it’s only logical to think that it’s worst during the holidays to be away from family and loved ones.

Any Soldier is a great place to send needed items and of course, a letter or card with a personal note or video is always appreciated.  It’s something anybody could do on their own.

We all know that our service men and women are somebody’s mom or dad, son or daughter, friend or neighbor.  And we all know that they need our support.  It doesn’t really make any difference what your politics are; these are young Americans doing their job under some of the most adverse conditions in the world.

So please check out the site and of course, you are more than welcome to watch our video greeting to our new friends overseas.  We all pray that they come home safe and sound….and soon.

To see our video greeting click here! :

Herman “Pants on Fire” Cain – I really thought that the first few ladies that came out regarding harassment charges sounded a little flakey.  Maybe even set up.  But along comes Ginger White (and you don’t get any whiter than a Ginger White), and he admits he’s been paying the lady for thirteen years.  You know, being a good guy and sort of helping her out.  Bear in mind though she’s not a close enough friend for his wife to know about the payouts.  How the heck (not my preferred word) does that happen?  Word has it he might endorse Old Newt.  I think he should quit politics and endorse Viagra….not Newt.

Remember when that charismatic redneck Rick “Ooops!” Perry was all the rage?  And then he has an moment of CRS (Can’t Remember $#*t) during one of the debates?  He made it all better by saying “Ooops.)  And then poof he disappeared.  Just like a Vegas magician!  The Republicans are so fickle.  Every candidate has become the flavor of the day.

Donald “Dippity Do” Trump wants to moderate the next Republican debate – only Gingrich has signed on to participate so far.  Ron” Odd but Nothing Funny” Paul and somebody else I already forgot refuses to debate with Trump moderating.  Now Paul and Trump are feuding.  You know, it seems like the Republicans just can’t stop helping Obama getting re-elected.  It seems that all Obama has to do is ride that stupid Schwinn on his vacations with that idiotic powder blue safety helmet on.  He looks like he should have his own geek show on Nickelodeon……really.  Check out the photos on line.  I feel embarrassed for him.  Really, really embarrassed.  A total geek.

And then there’s Mitt “better known as anybody but” Romney – He seems like a nice guy…but they always say that he has some political baggage, but look at Newt and Obama.  They carry more baggage than all the airlines put together!  Poor guy, he’s not conservative enough for the GOP hardliners so he just never seems to get traction.  Right wingers want somebody that as far right as Obama is far left.  That’s a very tall order to fill.

This whole budget battle is officially a total joke.  Neither side wants to give on even minor issues.  Both want to make sure that this is the big topic for the next presidential election.  Obama has shown no leadership to get anything accomplished because he really wants to point to the GOP as the party of “NO” and then lump their candidate into the fold.  The Republican candidates are busy trying to destroy each other throughout the primaries.  In the meantime we are slowly becoming Greece.

Oh yes, let’s talk about the Occupoo Pee-ple. No message, no direction, no hygiene, no jobs, no solutions, no cleanup crew, no respect for authority and no respect for others.  They are mad at the “1%”.  They claim to be the 99%.  They aren’t’ even 3%.  I totally believe in the right to free speech.  But when it gets to the point where people use public parks and sidewalks as toilets the whole movement starts to become stupid and irrelevant.  I understand that that this movement (no pun intended) and the Tea Party are both social efforts where individuals and/or groups are dissatisfied with the status quo.  They have every right to demonstrate, carry signs, get media attention and maybe even win some converts.  That is where the similarity stops.  I am not a fan of many aspects of the Tea Party movement.  But there were no rapes, public use of drugs, murders, blatant destruction of property, horrifically filthy conditions or such political nonsense during the Tea Party gatherings.  And really, I do recognize the political hacks that were a part of that movement as well.  I am not picking political sides….just talking about what we all saw.  I think that the Occupoo Movement really soured a lot of the public on some very valid issues.  The filthy and chaotic image it presented overshadowed the issues whether their supporters want to admit it or not.  It accomplished absolutely nothing and cost the taxpayers millions.  They completely blew it.  Another thought – the Occupooers are using IPhones, Droids, tablets and other assorted gadgets made by Wall Street Companies.  They are using Facebook, Twitter and host of other social media sources to organize….again, all Wall Street giants.  Consider that the wireless carriers of all this media are also Wall Street Biggies.  If you don’t find that hypocritical, then you are lying to yourself.  Whew!

Charlie “The Cheese” Sheen has been scouting for a movie in Columbia…the cocaine capital of the world.  Isn’t that like an alcoholic applying for a job as a wine taster?  No, it’s even more absurd!  He may see more snow than Buffalo NY this winter.  It will be like living in a snow globe.

You know when you’re flying, just before landing the attendants go around and make you put the back of your chair forward that stinking one inch they now recline.  Because we all know if that plane crashes at nearly 600 miles an hour the only people that are going to walk out of that buzzard alive are those who put the backs of the seats upright.  They will be the only survivors.  That silly one inch is the difference between life and death.  Absurd!

Well Mamadonna is going to be the entertainment for the Super Bowl.  I guess they figured at 53 she is less likely to have a wardrobe malfunction.  Oh well, it will be interesting to see who gets to play the Packers.

And what’s the deal with Tim “The Chosen One” Tebow?  He’s got Bronco fans (and a few others) believing that God is on his side!  He’s 6 and 1 since he started.  His team was 1 and 4 when he took over.  That is almost beyond explanation.  All of the guys on the pregame shows really trash him…..and he just keeps winning.  Don’t laugh; remember God supported Notre Dame football for a long time until he didn’t like the coaches.  C’mon, that’s a joke.  We all know Notre Dame was really successful because Catholics were praying for them.

Can’t say that I am missing pro basketball.  College bball is so much more interesting.

From the “There Ain’t no Justice Department”.   All the college Bowl picking is done and it’s going to be a rematch of the LSU-Alabama game for top dog.   There were very few surprises except No. 8 Kansas State and No. 12 Baylor are nowhere to be found. Of course, Boise State was left out of the BCS for the fourth time in eight years.  Yet No. 11 Virginia Tech, which hasn’t beaten a single Top 25 team all year, received an at-large bid to play No. 13 Michigan in the Sugar Bowl. That just ain’t right.

Heeeeee’s back!  Tiger ”The Putter” Woods won the Chevron Challenge at Sherman Oaks Sunday by one stroke.  He says he is back to being in top shape and conditioning.  No doubt he is one of the greatest if not the greatest golfer of all time.  It will be interesting to see if he can recapture the glory he once had….or even a portion of it after drowning in scandal city. With his divorce over will he go back to being a playah and a player?

Recent events sure took a toll on the reputation of Penn State.  I think it should be a wakeup call to all for us.  Here we had highly respected individuals that knew of serious crimes that had been (and were still being committed) and did little or nothing about it.  It is easy to sit back and judge, but if the question were posed to you, would you turn a friend into the police on second hand information for a crime of this magnitude?  One of the most popular responses individuals give is that they would confront their friend and see if it’s true rather than go to the police.  The reasoning is that if it’s not true, that person’s life could be ruined.  On the other hand, there are the victim’s lives to consider as well.  And really, that Jerry” Rhymes with The Whoosh” Sandusky is such a total idiot.  He could almost get convicted based on his TV interviews alone.  His lawyer should shut him up!  Just a gut feeling that this is going to get worse as time goes on.

Speaking of idiots – Doctor “Death Drip” Conrad Murray was found guilty in the death of Michael Jackson.  Interesting things I found out about during the trial….Michael “I So Seepy” Jackson had over 300 doctors (or individuals) writing prescriptions for him.  I also heard that he had bills well into SIX figures (yes, hundreds of thousands of dollars) at pharmacies.  Murray was wrong in what he did…no question, but Jackson was killing himself.  Another interesting fact is that some of jurors were having difficulty understanding transcripts and one had to translate it into Spanish.  Is that right?  I think it would be grounds for appeal…..but wait there’s more.  Read on.

What is that old saying? It’s something about people who represent themselves have a fool for a client. Apparently, Doctor Death Drip doesn’t have a problem being a fool. It’s come to light that he intends to represent himself in the appeal of his guilty verdict of involuntary manslaughter against Michael Jackson.  The doctor’s appeal documents where the words “in pro per” show his intent to act as his own counsel. He’s already requested all the information he needs to begin preparing for the case. That includes opening statement, trial transcripts, written motions and more.  He still does not think he has any responsibility for Jackson’s death.  Crazy to for a bad doctor to try to be an even worse lawyer.

Kim “The Phoney” Kardashian’s divorce blahblahblah. Kris “Not so Bright” Humphries filed blahblahblah. Chloe “He’s the big one” Kardashian hit a drag queen blahblahblah. Courtney “Who?” Kardashian is pregnant blahblahblah. Chris “Go Away” Jenner is trying to get on Dancing with the Stars blahblahblah.  Rob “Twinkle Toes“ Kardashian was runner up blahblahblah.  Why can’t you and I be rich and famous for simply being rich and famous?

God, don’t even get me started on the Hiltons.  Paris just got a new Ferrari.  I couldn’t remember what kind it was so I Googled Paris “Big Foot” Hilton’s new car.  Try it.  You’ll see that she has gotten 4-6 new cars in the last few years each over $300,000.  Such a deserving child….with size 18 feet.  At least we have that to chuckle about!

U.S. military sources confirmed that Iran is in possession of a RQ170 Sentinel stealth drone — the model that was used in the Osama bin Laden raid — that disappeared over the weekend and which Iran claims it shot down.  Now they have that technology in their hands.  Not a good thing.  It contains some of our most sophisticated technology.  Can’t make funny out of that.

It’s the holidays and we are all scrambling like crazy to everything done on time.  Some of us are beginning to feel a little frazzled already.  And so often this time of year we get more emotional or even down about a lot of things.  But then something comes along to hit ya in the chops and makes it all worse.  Britney ”Oops I did it again” Spears turned 30.  OMG, cute, crazy Brit is the big three zero!  Yes, she was only 16 and in pig tails when she released…”Baby One More Time.”  Where did the time go?  Good grief I’m getting old.

Finally, Nancy “I Made Millions while in Congress” Pelosi is threatening to dish the dirt about Newt if he gets the nomination.  She is the queen of scamming money off of federal projects.  Didn’t a house fall on her way back when in the “Wizard of Oz”?

Is Capitalism the divine way of determining who is smart and works and who is lazy and poor?  Before anybody gets too uppity about that, just remember that’s what made this country great. It was  the free enterprise system (with all its flaws) – not government handouts that us the most powerful and desirable country in the world.  You don’t see anybody jumping on the bandwagon to move to Socialist Greece, do you? Well…….?????